You can pick 'em! Is this a solid relationship? Do I have a shot?
- Excuse me. - Sure. Am I overstepping my bounds?
It's beautiful! You picked me. You didn't have to, but you picked me.
It makes me want to kiss you guys! Come on, give me one.
I beg your pardon!
Let's get down to business.
I've got a card here somewhere. Here. Who do I have to kill?
- Hold that for me. - Whoa!
- There you go. - You don't have to kill anybody!
Possession! Learn to throw your voice. Fool your friends. Fun at parties.
No. We just want to get some people out of our house.
I understand. In order to do that, I'll have to get to know you.
We've got to get closer. Move in with you for a while.
Get to be real pals. You know what I'm saying?
Save that guy for later.
My wife and I have some questions.
Sure, go ahead. Shoot.
What are your qualifications?
Well, I attended Juilliard. I'm a graduate of Harvard Business School.
I travel extensively. I lived through the Black Plague.
I've seen The Exorcist about 167 times...
and it keeps getting funnier every time I see it!
Not to mention the fact that you're talking to a dead guy!
Now what do you think? You think I'm qualified?
Can you be scary?
Oh! I know what you're asking me. Can I be scary?
What do you think of this?
You like it?
- Will you excuse us, please? - Sure. Talk amongst yourselves.
- Let's go. - I know, but he can be useful later.
- We can work something ourselves. - Oh, yeah!
- Excuse me! - What?
We are leaving now.
Don't go yet.
Come on, we're simpatico. Look at us. We shop at the same store.
Hey, hermano.
Yeah, there you go.
We're like peas in a pod.
You want someone out of the house. I want to get someone out of your house.
Look! You've been to Saturn. I've been to Saturn!
Whoa. Sandworms.
You hate 'em, right? I hate 'em myself.
Kids, what do I have to do to strike a deal with you two?
- Don't you hate it when that happens? - Let's go, Barbara!
Come up for a while. We'll talk inside. Come on.
- I'm not staying. - The place is a mess.
We have to get out of here. Home! Home! Home!
How did you do that?
Hope you like Italian.
Where'd you go? Hey, where'd you go?
Hey! You've got to work with me here.
I'm just trying to cut a deal. What do you want me to do?
Where are you?
You bunch of losers!
You're working with a professional here!
Nice fucking model!
We can do this stuff on our own.
Besides, I'm not exposing that little girl to that pervert.
We did call him, and he seemed awfully pissed off.
I don't care. I've changed my mind. We can scare them off ourselves tonight.
I have an idea.
What you did with the place is wonderful.
Not me. Them.
So?
Do you like them?
I hope it wasn't yet another of your dreary suicide attempts.
You know what they say about people who commit suicide.
In the afterlife, they become civil servants.
Otho, I didn't realize you were into the supernatural.
Of course! You remember.
After my stint with the Living Theater...
I was one of New York's leading paranormal researchers...
until the bottom dropped out in '72.
Paranormal? Is that what they're calling your kind these days?
Don't mind her. She's still upset that somebody dropped a house on her sister.
Well, this looks really good.
I saw some ghosts.
- It's a private joke Lydia and I share. - It's not a joke.
Yes, it is. Just today she tried to convince me this house is haunted.
Kids! You know, I love them!
- Ghosts? - In designer sheets, no less.
I'd like to propose a toast to our intrepid friends...
who braved the expressway and two dozen tollbooths to be with us.
May your buildings go condo.
Lydia, favor us about your ghosts.
No! I am sick of that subject.
Delia, lighten up.
I would rather talk about...
That's cute, Delia.
Otho, are you doing this?
We did it!
Let's watch them scatter.
Any minute now they'll come running out that door screaming.
Any minute now.
It's me, Lydia.
They want you to come downstairs.
Delia says you can wear any sheets you want.
It was like being in an amusement park. Bam!
- I didn't know I could do the calypso. - Who has more fun than us?
We're dealing with Tracy and Hepburn.
A very sophisticated pair. They even appear in sheets.
Charles, why didn't you tell us about this before?
We're not sure we want our secret out. Everyone will want them for parties.
People will pay big money for this.
The Enquirer's offering $50,000 for proof of life after death.
This is it, Charles. You can get Maxie Dean up here now.
- You think so? - Sarah loves the supernatural.
She'll have him sprint up here in his helicopter...
if you can produce ghosts for her.
I should remind you that I'm Delia's agent.
I have lost money on her work for years.
If anything happened here, I shall handle it.
But not until I've seen real proof.
- What about this table? - What do you call what just happened?
What money? Don't you believe in my work?
Here's Lydia.
- Well? - They don't want to come down.
Why not?
I think they were trying to scare you away, and you didn't get scared.
They're dead. It's a little late to be neurotic.
All right.
This was not a hallucination. This was real.
We all experienced a superpowerful paranormal experience and it was real.
Delia, you are a flake. You have always been a flake.
If you insist on frightening people, do it with your sculpture.
Drive carefully!
- I'm dead. - Where do they hide?
- The attic. - The attic's locked.
They're ghosts. They can do what they want.
They do whatever they want. Take us up there right now.
Fabulous! Otho Fenlock's "Locked Door Ghosts!"
Probably committed suicide there.
- I'm enchanted. - In there?
- They must live like animals. - It's locked. How did they get in?
Open this door, dead people, or we'll bust it down...
and drag you out by the ropes you hanged yourself with!
- They didn't commit suicide. - It doesn't matter.
I can teach you something here. Take the upper hand in all situations...
or people, dead or alive, will walk all over you.
Open up!
Where are they?
These ghosts are nice people.
I think we scared them away, so let's leave them alone, all right?
It's the whole damn town.
I have never been so embarrassed.
Have they gone for good?
Dad, don't.
Mom, let's just go.
No ghosts here.
Come on! If they are in here, I don't want to scare them away.
We're leaving now. You can go about your business.
- What are we doing? - Quick, quick, quick.
Oh, boy! You guys are really spooksters, aren't you?
Now, let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose.
Otho, get Maxie on the phone. We've really got something here.
We can turn this place into the world's leading supernatural research center.
Amusement park. I'll do a presentation, Lydia will bring the ghosts.
I can't bring the ghosts. They're not here.
- Otho, can't you do something? - If I'm properly motivated.
What type of motivation do you require?
Why don't you leave them alone? They didn't do anything to you.
We've come for your daughter, Chuck.
Stop! Stop!
- Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse! - Oh, no!
Why are you doing this?
Leave me alone, all of you!
Great choice! We spend the next century hanging out a window or doing tricks.
Maybe they'll leave now. That snake was a nasty customer.
- He could've hurt somebody. - But he didn't.
We've got them where we want them.
You losers! How dare you interrupt a professional while he's working!
I'm not fond of Charles, but you could've killed him.
I'm just doing my job! I thought we had a deal.
It's okay. You know why?
I don't want to do business with you deadbeats anyway, thank you.
The only one I think I can deal with is Edgar Allan Poe's daughter.
- She understands me. - Leave her alone!
Go ahead, make my millennium.
I'm feeling a little anxious, if you know what I mean.
It's been about 600 years.
I wonder where an everyday Joe like myself...
can find a little action.
Yeah. Here I come, baby.
Hey, Adam, nice move!
- Why did you build that? - I didn't.
Will you guys shut up and leave me alone?
I've got all this paperwork to do.
You two, come in. Sit down.
Get in here, both of you!
The whorehouse was my idea. I want Betelgeuse out of the picture.
You have really screwed up.
I heard you allowed yourselves to be photographed.
You let Betelgeuse out and didn't put him back.
And you let Otho take the handbook!
When?
Never trust the living!
We cannot have a routine haunting like yours...
provide proof that there is existence beyond death.
Coach, where's the men's room?
I'm not your coach. He survived.
Let me get something straight.
- What's our curfew? - Get out of here!
Go on, get downstairs! Men's room!
Are you kidding? Can't you read signs?
I'll be right back.
Maybe this was a bad idea.
I didn't say anything.
Who are we kidding? You've never had a bad idea.
Yeah?
This could all work out. Home.
I'm not sure this is the right environment for Lydia.
- Snakes. Ghosts. - Shrimp.
You family types.
You've got other things to worry about. Maxie Dean is coming tonight.
You have to sell these ghosts. I can only do so much.
What are you going to do? Viciously rearrange their environment?
I know as much about the supernatural as I do about interior design.
I am alone.
I am...
utterly alone.
By the time you read this...
I will be gone...
having jumped...
Having plummeted off...
the Winter River Bridge.
I don't care what it takes.
You get the Deetzes out of there now!
Wait a minute. What are you going to do?
To scare them.
I want to make sure it's not some silly parlor trick.
I'll go first.
Not bad. Not bad. Now you.
Go ahead!
You look great.
Go clean house and don't forget the photographs and the handbook.
- Coach? - What?
I don't think we survived that crash.
How did you guess?
Mr. And Mrs. Maitland?
Hello!
- How are you? - Dead.
Dead, dead, deadski.
Of course they're dead. They're ghosts.
No, I mean they're gone. Split. Out of here. Afterlife kids.
- Deceased. - Are you a ghost, too?
I'm the ghost with the most, babe.
You look like somebody I can relate to.
Maybe you could help me get out of here.
I gotta tell you, this death thing...
It's creepy.
Here's my problem.
I've got friends on the outside I said I'd meet.
I have to be there in person.
So could you help me get out of here?
- I want to get in. - Why?
You've probably got your reason, but I can't do anything from here.
If you could get me out, over there, maybe we could talk.
But to do that you've got to say my name three times.
What's your name?
- I can't tell you. - Why not?
If I tell you, you'll tell your friends, they'll call me all the time.
I've got to go to shopping centers for openings, sign autographs, that shit.
It makes my life hell, okay? A living hell.
But maybe if you have a pen... I know! Do you play charades?
- Yeah. - Good.
Here we go. Ready?
Two words.
Right!
First word, two syllables.
Look.
Turn around.
I don't know what your signal means.
Look behind you!
Hi. How are you?
Beetle.
Got it. Now, two.
Breakfast? Orange? Orange beetle?
Beetle fruit?
Beetle breakfast?
Beetle drink?
Beetle juice?
- That's it! - Your name's Beetlejuice?
You said it twice. Just say it once more. Come on.
It was you, wasn't it? The snake.
You kids and your imagination! Just say it!
No. I want to talk to Barbara.
You don't need to talk to Barbara! Just say it!
Adam, I can't go through with it. I like that little girl.
But it's too late. We have to go through with this.
No, we don't. Can't we rebel?
I want to be with Lydia.
Come on! Just say it!
No, don't say it!
Say it!
It's okay. It's us. What's going on?
Beetle...
He said if I let him out he would take me to the other side to find you.
No, Lydia, we're dead.
I want to be dead, too.
Being dead doesn't make things any easier.
Listen to her on this. This is something we know a lot about.
And you can visit us anytime you want.
I have a feeling things are going to be better from now on.
What do you mean, better?
We've decided we're going to invite you and your family to stay.
That's right.
- Can't we bring Maxie up here? - You've got a stake in this, too.
This is a presentation. It requires a sense of occasion, a sense of style.
- It's big. How will we get it out? - It's sectional.
- Wait, there are plugs. - Careful!
Okay, go.
- What's going on? - I don't know. I'll find out.
Be careful.
Ed Cornwell will head the wax museum...
dedicated to 50 great moments of the paranormal in Thanksgiving Park.
You must remember Ed.
He's the genius who gave us the talking Marcel Marceau statue.
And D-Con is on its knees to sponsor the insect zoo...
in the old hardware store.
We can't lose!
Lydia, you decided to join us. I just finished the initial presentation.
Now it's time to have a stretch...
and to invite our friends to meet your friends.
Are they here yet?
Charles, we're here to see some ghosts.
They're not here... anymore.
Every time she says that, the paint peels...
and some wild creature tries to kill us.
But we have pictures, Lydia.
Really. They said they'd come back and we could all live here...
if you agreed not to tease them or make them do stupid tricks.
She has a tendency to overreact.
Don't worry, we're not relying on her. We have Otho.
- Are they still here? - Otho, are they still here?
They're still here. They're just hiding out.
Probably feel guilty about what they did to me.
They're sorry they didn't kill you.
- I just want to see them. - Otho, can you do it?
Lt'll be tricky, but I think I can handle it.
What am I worried about? You can't even change a tire.
I'll be needing something personal of theirs.
You'll have to go to Goodwill.
Excuse me.
The wedding clothes.
The words
"Hands vermilion
"Start of five
"Bright cotillion
"Raven's dive
"Nightshade's promise
"Spirits strive
"To the living, let now the dead come alive"
Barbara?
"As sudden thunder pierces night
"As magic wonder mad affright
"Rives asunder man's delight
"Our ghost, our corpse
"And we rise to be"
Stop it!
"As flies the lizard Serpent fell
"As goblin vizard at the spell
"The buried, dead and slain rise again"
- What's happening to them? - I don't know.
They're dying!
They're already dead. They can't feel a thing.
- That's not true! Look at them! - That's enough.
Can you stop this?
It's too late, Charles. I'm sorry.
Where are you? Help them, please.
Sure, I can help them. But you've got to help me.
- What? - I'm what you call an illegal alien.
I want out for good. To do that, I've gotta get married.
These aren't my rules. Come to think of it, I don't have any rules.
Come on.
Think of it as a marriage of inconvenience. We both get something.
I get out, you get the most eligible bachelor since Valentino.
- We're even. - Okay, just help them.
Sure.
Beetlejuice.
It's show time.
Attention, K-Mart shoppers.
I'm back. I feel real good about myself. You know what I mean? So...
without further delay...
welcome to Winter River!
Museum of Natural Greed!
A monument to the bored businessman.
Come a little closer. Step right up! Test your strength.
Thank you.
Thank you! Whew!
That is why I won't do two shows a night anymore, babe.
I won't do 'em.
Well, what have we got here tonight, kids?
We've got the Maitlands.
I think they've had enough exercise for the night.
Not so fast, round boy. We're gonna have some laughs.
Mom, Dad.
I just want you to know you're welcome in our house...
anytime you want to come over.
In the meantime, the dowry's on me, Dad.
The Maitlands are taken care of. Everything seems to be back to normal.
Shall we?
Called the caterer. He's got a great band.
We're gonna need witnesses. Would you?
Let's get on with the ceremony.
Do you, Betel...
- Nobody says the "B" word. - Do you take this woman...
to be your wedded wife?
I don't know. It's a big decision.
I always said if I ever did it, I was gonna do it only once.
Sure. Go ahead.
And do you, Lydia, take this man...
No! Betel...
She's a little nervous. Maybe I should answer for her.
I'm Lydia Deetz and I'm of sound mind.
The man next to me is the one I want. You asked me.
I'm answering. Yes, I love that man of mine. Come on.
Come on.
Betelgeu...
Scram!
Come on!
Hey, guy.
May we continue with the ceremony?
- Then by... - Betelgeuse.
Strike!
Let's roll!
Then by the authority vested in me...
- The ring please. - The ring! Oh, no!
I've got it, honey.
Here it is. Here you go.
She meant nothing to me. Nothing at all!
- I now pronounce you... - Yeah, come on.
Man and...
- What time is it? - It's about 3:30.
Give or take a year.
Well? Did you get the paints?
Yes. And I took pictures of the new town hall for you, too.
How was the science test?
It was gross. They wanted me to dissect a frog.
I told them "no way." I said it was against my religion. I got a "C."
And the math test?
You're kidding me? We spent the whole week studying for that test.
I got an "A."
So, can I?
I don't know. Got a "C" on the science test.
Don't tease her. You never got on "A" in science...
Come on.
Well...
I suppose.
This reads like stereo instructions.
Sounds like Lydia got an "A" on the math test.
He likes it.
Sorry. Didn't see you sitting there.
Women.
I don't know what her problem is.
Normally, chicks...
Pardon me. Did you do that?
Nice work.
How do you get them so small?
There goes Elvis! Yo, King!
Well, looks like I'm next.
Good thing. I've got to do a photo shoot for G.Q. In an hour and a half.
They've been after me for months. Some kind of underwear deal.
What are you doing? Stop it. You're messing up my hair.
Come on! Whoa! Stop it!
This might be good luck for me.
Subtitles By Captions, Inc. Los Angeles